The Spleef Tournament Report: March 2021

2021-03-10 02:53:12 +0000 UTC by KevinY3

It's March, and that means that winter's just ended and spring has begun—as long as you're in the northern hemisphere. There's no better time then than now to remember the snowy part of the year and to engage in some nice and comfortable spleef: that old Minecraft sport which has become so emblematic of the game. So sit back, grab a cup of cocoa and enjoy this homely little report on one of the friendliest and most straightforward events we've had in server history.

Competitors Direct Link

Seppizza, MuffinSW4R, GetZaid, ShootItzStar, 123Joely, UROShadow, SuperHaggis123, Kopk1, FireLordZuko, Gigo, EnderDude77, Mystef, AlfredoGorano, FireLordIzumi, FireLordSqoorl, others

Match Summaries Direct Link

Round One - Seppizza vs. MuffinSW4R vs. GetZaid vs. ShootItzStar

Star came out swinging, chasing down Zaid and forcing him underground within seconds of starting. He, for his part, realised his mistake - having approached the arena's middle ground - and tried to run, only to fall through the cracks. Star was left, however, in the exact same position that he'd been in. With Sepp and Muffin flanking them, they had nowhere to go but down. From there a slow and circular game ensued, as both remaining players had formed a barrier between themselves and the other side of the court. They spent some time circling one another like sharks until eventually, Seppizza let his guard down and tried to hop over what must've seemed like a surmountable gap. Muffin leapt on the opportunity, breaking the snow that he was supposed to land on and earning themselves the first victory of the tournament.

Round Two - 123Joely vs. UROShadow vs. SuperHaggis123 vs. Kopk1

Shadow was easily the most forward player in this match, with Haggis spending the first few seconds in his corner while Kopk and Joely just ran around the perimeter of the arena, inviting an attack so that they could retaliate, believing themselves to be stronger on the defensive. Shadow took a strategic approach, mining out the centre of the arena so that his opponents couldn't retreat there - generally being the most easily traversable area in the midgame - before going in for the kill. Haggis went down quickly, his footwork slipping up almost immediately. From there, Shadow made short work of the other two competitors, effortlessly destabilizing and knocking them down. It was a curb stomp battle for what might be the best bender the server's ever seen.

Round Three - FireLordZuko vs. EnderDude77 vs. Gigo vs. Mystef

As expected, our lord and saviour Zuko was able to quickly knock Enderdude out of the competition, taking a relatively frontal style of play and counting on his finesse to see him through to victory. Seeing that he was their main threat, Gigo and Mystef decided to attack him from both the front and back, digging out the ground on either side of him so that he was pinned. Surprisingly, Zuko was able to escape the trap but was then cornered and killed by Mystef, who then was able to effortlessly deal with Gigo. Mystef won the round with his strategic play, making temporary alliances only to shatter them once the overwhelming threat was gone; an underhanded and brilliant way to achieve victory.

Round Four - GetZaid vs. MuffinSW4R vs. FireLordZuko vs. Kopk1

Much like he had done in previous rounds, Kopk spent the entire game running around the edge of the arena and not doing much of anything, taking only a small break to break the ground beneath Muffin's feet, to no success. Zuko tried to play as fiercely as he had before but was ultimately done in when he backed into his own hole, seemingly for no reason: no players were pressuring him at the time. Zaid, fearful of the remaining two competitors and thoroughly stuck in the middle, clung to his section of the arena and tried to dig himself into a corner, though he quickly abandoned this isolationist policy in favour of chasing Kopk toward Muffin, hoping that the two would eliminate each other for him. Kopk was able to escape encirclement, leaping over the trench that Zaid dug around him, but was pressured into a confrontation with Muffin. Right when Kopk seemed to be doomed however, Zaid came to his "aid" and took out Muffin from behind. Kopk bolted, rather than pursuing what was an unwinnable fight - being stuck in a corner - and soon found himself the recipient of a win, with Zaid having fallen into a hole while in pursuit of the flighty spleefer.

Round Five - FireLordIzumi vs. Seppizza vs. Mystef vs. FireLordSqoorl

While Sqoorl went for the early-match kill, forcing Izumi to retreat, his assault was short lived: he fell into his own hole mere seconds after initiating it. Shortly thereafter, Mystef fell back to let Sepp and Sqoorl duke it out on his behalf, only for Sqoorl to turn right around and eliminate Mystef while he was vulnerable and on the fringes of the arena, where he thought himself inconspicuous.

Round Six - SuperHaggis vs. 123Joely vs. ShootItzStar vs. UROShadow

Shadow just spent this whole round standing in a corner? Haggis dug himself into a corner so that nobody could reach him and was therefore eliminated by the mods. Meanwhile, Joely and Star actually tried to play the game and participated in a duel for the ages, equal parts dance and battle. Joely was the one to break form, letting Star take him down and leaving Shadow as the only remaining competitor. His AFK-ness turned out to be a strategy however, as he immediately leapt into action and sniped Star when they thought they were safe. Sneaky, and not merely a little dishonourable!

Round Seven - Mystef vs. MuffinSW4R vs. BarelyDecisive vs. Seppizza

Mystef, confusingly wearing the head of Porku, the skin of Kopk and formerly the head of Custoj, tried to perform a perimeter play, digging out the edges of the map to set up the falls of his future enemies. Meanwhile, Sepp and Muffin tag-teamed Barely, creating long streaks of empty air all around her. From there, it was all but guaranteed that she'd fall. With Barely disposed of, Mystef chose to perform an interpretive dance at Seppizza, perhaps in an attempt to intimidate him into attacking Muffin, who'd retreated to the other side of the arena. This had the opposite effect however - Mystef had performed the secret mating dance of the Pizza species - and it caused him to immediately launch an offensive, once which Muffin ultimately landed the killing blow in, taking Mystef down when he was least expecting it. Sepp, clearly a little overexcited, took some time out to just jump over blocks when Muffin was very much actively trying to kill him. Sepp was determined to win, it seemed, without breaking another block. Pushed toward the corner where Mystef had died, chased around the whole court, he finally relented and made his move, turning around during a chase to try to snipe Muffin mid-jump. This gambit didn't pan out as he thought it would, and it was Muffin who ultimately found himself alone at the end of the match.

Round Eight - FireLordIzumi vs. FireLordSqoorl vs. SuperHaggis123 vs. UROShadow

Both fire lords died extremely early into the round, each succumbing not to a sustained and deliberate angle of attack but instead just sort of walking into the gaps in the arena floor. Shadow and Haggis then found themselves on either side of a vast ravine, with Haggis having the decidedly smaller half of the arena: barely enough to walk on! The mods intervened before Shadow could cut him off completely, repairing the floor so that the match could continue. Even then, Haggis wasn't able to take the offensive and spent the rest of the round running from Shadow who pursued him relentlessly, eventually forcing him to take a bad jump which killed him off. Shadow, then, was the victor.

Round Nine - Kopk1 vs. 123Joely vs. ShootItzStar vs. FireLordZuko

As expected, Kopk spent the round just running, sowing chaos between Joely and Star as they tried to eliminate one another. Instead of confusing the match however, he just ended up dying in the crossfire. Shortly thereafter Joely fell through the floor, and before anything else could happen, Zuko threw Star to the wolves, having quietly stood behind the entangled trio while waiting for them to destroy each other. "Easiest win of my life", he said after the match.

Round Ten - MuffinSW4R vs. FireLordSqoorl vs. ShootItzStar vs. Mystef

Sqoorl didn't dig so much as he threw snowballs for the first portion of the fight, mocking Mystef to great effect, as he immediately put away his shovel and retreated to a corner of the arena where Star was able to pin and kill him. After that, Sqoorl and Star teamed up on Muffin who was, through a confusing but intricate series of maneuvers, able to thread the needle and eliminate both of his opponents at roughly the same time, displaying tremendous skill in the arena.

Round Eleven - 123Joely vs. Seppizza vs. UROShadow vs. Kopk1

Shadow demonstrated his obviously zone-oriented style of play when the match began, immediately digging a line across the length of the arena so as to seal himself off from Kopk and Joely, who would be left to fend for themselves on a miniscule sliver of snow. They were quick to pick up on what was happening and ran around the edge into the waiting arms of Kopk, who came close to eliminating both as they ran past him. All four players survived for an inordinate amount of time, all engaging in minor skirmishes against one another as the floor slowly crumbled beneath their feet. Joely was the first to die, being ambushed by Shadow while he was focused on Sepp. The last three players, then, were left in a standoff: the first to attack would surely be the first to die. They stood still for the longest time, right up until the moment that the mods filled in the arena floor again, whereupon Sepp just stood in a corner while Kopk and Shadow sealed him in a corner, building a truly impassable chasm around him. This was immediately reversed by the mods, who recognised that there could be no victory under such conditions. Shadow dug out all the snow around his feet, predicting that no one would be foolhardy enough to attack him when the ground around him was so treacherous. Sepp, meanwhile, accidentally drew a phallus in the snow during his duel against Kopk, who was himself just running and digging to his heart's content, not really engaging with the match at all. It seemed that Shadow was the most determined to win, with Kopk and Sepp each focusing on survival. The match had dragged on for a long time by that point, so long that the mods started to manually destroy the ground beneath their feet, forcing the players to start attacking each other or else. Surely, the mods reasoned, they'd take the possibility of a self-earned victory over a 1/3 chance of surviving? Shadow was knocked out of the air by an invisible mod and tumbled into the void, much to his chagrin: he swore he'd made that jump. Sepp and Kopk barely interacted at all, just jumping on the remaining snow until finally, the earth was ripped from under Kopk's feet and he died, leaving Sepp the winner under very fishy circumstances.

Round Eleven - SuperHaggis123 vs. BarelyDecisive vs. FireLordZuko

An admin against a mod against a team member. This report is very short because Haggis basically instantly killed both of his opponents. Very well played!

Round Thirteen - Mystef vs. FireLordZuko vs. 123Joely vs. MuffinSW4R

Zuko was obviously the prize turkey of the round, being attacked by all three players within seconds of the round beginning and predictably being the first out, with Muffin taking the kill. After that, Joely and Mystef took turns poking at one another's defences, with Mystef generally acting quite defensively, turning Joely's aggression against him to great effect. Muffin then closed in for the kill only to be turned back by a stare: Mystef wasn't scared, he was sure that he could achieve victory. One floor-reset later, the two each began a number of small scale, tactical engagements, with Mystef creating arcs around himself which Muffin had no chance of jumping over without risking immediately death, and Muffin holding his ground so that Mystef couldn't ever move forward, only ever retreat into a smaller and smaller area on the edge of the court. Both players took a momentary breather, retreating to catch their breaths and change what skulls they were wearing, and then threw themselves right back into the action. It had already dragged on for some time by then, with the mods already contemplating whether they should start breaking the snow beneath the competitors' feet. Somehow FireLordIzumi replaced Muffin at some point during the round and killed Mystef? I don't really know what happened.

Round Fourteen - FireLordIzumi vs. SuperHaggis123 vs. Kopk1 vs. FireLordIzumi

Don't ask me how there were two Izumis, I don't bloody know! I think Muffin changed his name in-game to FireLordIzumi in the previous round while the players were having a break? The whole tournament had spiralled into an abyss of illogic by this point so from now on if something completely inexplicable happens please don't think about it too hard. Anyway, one of the Izumis was quick to die, with the remaining three players quickly forming walls between one another, each laying claim to one third of the arena, although Haggis had the largest claim by far. The mods repaired the floor as they usually do when the players are incapable of reaching each other and almost instantly, Izumi sniped Haggis. A clean kill, leaving behind just one hole and one frozen body. Kopk tempted fate by getting in Izumi's face and was subsequently pushed back, then being made to run while Izumi formed a fence around him. Kopk dug out the snow underneath his feet while he ran, preventing Izumi from simply chasing him. However, Kopk ultimately ended up in a snare created much earlier in the match - a streak of snow around the edge of the arena which was the only way to cross a large gap in the earth -, allowing Izumi to kill him with a mere twitch of his wrist.

Round Fifteen - UROShadow vs. FireLordSqoorl vs. AlfredoGorano vs. ShootItzStar

Squirrel made snowmen and Shadow died basically immediately. Gorano and Star duelled, Gorano was the loser, and then Squirrel leveraged his snowy support to put Star seven feet under. An eventful, compact and frustratingly quick bout.

Round Sixteen - SuperHaggis123 vs. AlfredoGorano vs. FireLordZuko vs. UROShadow

Alfredo died incredibly quickly to an overwhelming outpour from Zuko, who was himself dispatched by the more tactical and measured Shadow. Haggis, who hadn't counted on him being the last man standing (besides Shadow) so quickly, ran around the perimeter of the court until Shadow eventually caught up to him and tossed him into the pit.

Round Seventeen - Eragon4316 vs. FireLordIzumi vs. FireLordIzumi vs. NeutrinoBoi

There were... lingering potions of slowing? Izumi won? I think NeutrinoBoi survived the longest and Eragon got teleported out of the arena. Also, the next round started while I wasn't looking and I didn't get to see who the players were so I guess this is also a round eighteen report, and in that one Eragon made a circular ravine between himself and Haggis, eventually choosing to leap over his own defences and attack Haggis head on. Eragon was the winner, much to Mystef's surprise and joy in chat.

Round Nineteen - FireLordIzumi vs. SuperHaggis123 vs. MuffinSW4R vs. AlfredoGorano

Can you tell that I'm struggling to keep up?! Muffin killed himself, Izumi was taken out by Gorano while he was trying to fight Haggis, Haggis ran away from Gorano and Gorano fell into his own hole. Wow! What an eventful and boringly described match! I swear to whatever deity might preside over this reality, this tournament is going to do my head in. Oh, and round twenty's already started before I could finish my closing statement - isn't that great!? AvatarKorra, the event organiser was somehow in the arena and died, then one of the FireLordIzumis fell through the world, then Zuko died and Korra died again?? Now it's round twenty one and Kopk is in the arena, and ShootItzStar is still in there somehow from the last round and Avatar Korra is dead again and also Zuko is in the arena alongside Mystef but they're both wearing the same skull so they're basically indistinguishable from one another - and Korra's dead again, that's an average of twice per round. Congratulations to Mystef by the way, who I think has killed her three times by now. Oh, and Avatar Korra died again... AND AGAIN. SIX TIMES IN TWO MATCHES, CAN YOU FEEL MY PAIN? AND THE MODS DELETED THE ARENA FLOOR SO EVERYONE IS NOW DEAD AND IT'S ROUND TWENTY TWO AND AVATAR KORRA IS DEAD AGAIN HAHA AND THE FLOOR IS GONE AND ENDEAVOUR IS SOMEHOW IN THE ARENA DESPITE NOT BEING A COMPETITOR?? WHAT IS THIS FRESH HELL AM I BEING PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING FORGIVE ME GOD FOR I HAVE SINNED AND I SHALL GIVE MYSELF IN FLESH AND MIND UNTO YOUR ETERNAL KINGDOM AND KORRA IS DEAD AGAIN LORD HAVETH MERCY ON MY SOUL LET ETERNITY PASS ME BY AS IT DOES YOUR UNENDING GRACE ALLOW UNTO ME THE BEAUTY OF THE LAMB AND THE SIMPLICITY OF OBEDIENCE PLACE HOLLY ON MY PALMS SUCH THAT I MAY KNOW THE STING OF THE THORN AND THE WEIGHT OF THE CROSS AND KORRA IS DEAD AGAIN FORGIVE ME O LORD MAY YOUR MORTAL KINGDOM COME-

Round Twenty Four - Everyone vs. The Floor

The floor was deleted to predictable effect.

MuffinSW4R was the winner of the tournament, with four first places and one third place. It turns out the whole thing was over from Match 10 onwards.

End my suffering.

The bracket for this tournament can be found by clicking here.

The KevinY3 Awards Direct Link

The Pain Award: KevinY3. Help.

Last Notes Direct Link

Thanks to AvatarKorra_, CheeseSandwich and BarelyDecisive for throwing this whole thing together and keeping it organised! We didn't have any live commentary or a Twitch stream this time around, so I guess this report is how this spleef tournament is going to be remembered. I am so sorry to anyone who reads this?

I want to give especial thanks to you for tolerating this absolute trainwreck of a report. Hopefully if another spleef tournament report comes out (and it won't be by me, hooray) it'll be a little more coherent. In the meantime, I'll see you around. Ciao!